You might be a sailing bum if...

You think a Rhodes Scholar is someone who knows all about a famous boat designer.
Any of your wedding gifts came from West Marine.
You think girls look "hot" in foul weather gear.
You rather like wet underwear.
Your boat's motor used to be a dashboard fan.
Your doctor reports your injuries to Abuse Authorities.
You think rum is the official state drink.
Your best shoes are Topsiders.
Your car's hood ornament is the top off of a sailing trophy.
Your idol is Jimmy Buffett.
Your halyards are brand new, but your belt has two splices.
You read Latitude 38 under the covers with a flashlight.
You've ever done the horizontal tango while wearing sailing gloves.
Your underwear has a North Sail logo.
Your bar tab equals your paycheck.
You have a beer can crusher mounted on your mast.
You use a marlin spike to break sunburn blisters.
The boat next to you threatens to cut you off at the mark and you threaten to cut off something of his in return.
You have at least one broken boat part in your car at all times.
Your finish at the Annual Regatta made America's Funniest Home Videos.
You have a Mount Gay poster in your living room.
You've ever traded a Dramamine for a beer.
You have a Jello mold in the shape of a J/22.
Your vacation plans center around World Championships.
You have to dress up to go to Wal-Mart.
You think of duct tape as a long term investment.
You've ever been involved in a fight over the last chocolate chip cookie.
You wear a sailing cap to church.
People are afraid to touch your foul weather gear.
You think matching foul weather boots are an acceptable wedding gift.
You've ever written your resume on a bar napkin.
Your wind instruments cost $2,000 and you have a bucket for a head.
Your beer cooler opens with The Clapper.
The local boat yard's phone number is number one on your speed dialer.
You think Roe vs. Wade deals with boat ownership.
You'd marry a girl just to keep a good foredeck person.