Bird Droppings
by eaglebeak

Avast, me hearties. tis time to get serious. By the looks of the old calendar on the old wall, June is right around the corner, and you know what that means, right? Right! It's Regatta time. Monsieur Samuelson has been getting it all together again this year for a successful weekend of fun and races, but could still use some volunteers to help out with some of the events. As was said at the last meefing, this club is composed of do-ers, achievers, and workers -- so, if'n you haven't volunteered for anything yet, please get in touch with Don at your earliest convenience.

Actually, we ran into Don down at Sail Expo, and shared a table with him at lunch -- no mean fete, because buzzards were circling every table, and you had to be quick on your toes in order to nab a couple of chairs. We were fortunate, because we were able to get down there on a Friday, a bit in advance of the weekend crowd -- but it was still very busy!!! Anyway, as I was about to say, my First Mate and myself decided to do something a little different this year, so got up early, drove into Auburn, and picked up the train at 8:30. What a nice way to go!!! The train was up to date, comfortable, clean, and ON TIME. There was a car that served snacks and drinks, and the scenery was great. Of particular interest was that stretch from Benecia into Oakland --- we were right at the edge of the Bay quite a bit of the way, and had fun watching the sailboats and fisherfolks as we rolled in luxury toward Jack London Square. We departed the train right at the Square and were right across from the Expo itself. We were able to see the entire exposition, have lunch, go aboard quite a few boats, listen to the jazz group at the square, have a brewski at that funky little bar London wrote about, and be back on the train at 5:30. Anyway, it was a great experience. I strongly recommend that we make it a group outing on the train next year.

What with all the interesting weather this spring, it suddenly seems that summer and the boating season will be on us all in a rush. I think that at this time last year the boat was already in the water, and this year it sits forlornly in the front yard, awaiting it's spring refurbishment and launching. Unfortunately, we need to get out the machete in order to clear our way through the fast-growing weeds that are trying to swallow Champagne.

And I see by the Commodore's Corner comments that the Commodore's bell still has not been returned. What is this? College pranks? And not even a ransom note? Well, through a process of elimination, we've narrowed the list of suspects down to a possible 23. Whoever you are, would you please figure out some creative way to return the damn thing to Wayne? Here's a few possible scenarios, but come up with your own:

#1. During the next meeting in the park, wire it to the chassis under Wayne's car, so that when he goes to leave he'll ding all the way home.

#2. Secretly install it to the top of Hugh's tall mast, then grease the mast.

#3. Bake it into the middle of a cake and bring it for dessert at the meeting in the park.

#4. Wrap in a brown paper bag, and demand a free regatta t-shirt for payment. This exchange could be made on high-speed Vespa's going in opposite directions down Mill Street in Grass Valley.

#5. Write up a list of demands and leave it, anonymously laying about, at the next meeting.

#6. Simply show up with the bell, claiming that you "found it" in the back seat of your car, and that you're being framed.

So there you have it. Actually, I think it'd be great fun, and a big challenge, to ask everyone at the next meeting their creative ideas on how the bell could be returned.

Let's see now. That takes care of the Regatta and the bell, now for the really serious part:

Begin shopping now for good vintage Merlot for the annual 4th of July raft-a-thon. Unfortunately, no pirate ships will be allowed to bombard innocent privateers this year, and most water guns, pistols, cannons, bazookas and water balloons will have to be turned in to the past Commodore, and he shall have custody over them until late into the evening or until they are all gone, whichever comes first. There will be no drilling of holes in each others' dinghy's, no catapulting of live charcoal briquets, and a maximum of 50 people on the barge at one time will be strictly enforced.

Hoping that your summer will be a fun one.

-eaglebeak